I BROKE MY SILENCE
It took me twenty-one years to get enough courage to tell the world my story.
Heads up: When your abuser knows you have told the world what happen they will try to tear you character apart. Even family may not be as supportive as you think or hope they would be. Don’t be alarmed if they make you out to be the bad person.
When I decided to tell my story, my mother was supportive, but I had so many ask if I have forgiven him why would I keep telling it to others. The most hurtful response was when a family member said we all already knew but it wasn’t our place to say anything. That left me quite stunned and hopeless. For weeks, for days, I thought how they would react what would they say but this let me know I was terrible at keeping my secret. My mother and my father knew because he had assaulted me in front of my mother before and she bust his head open, but the police arrested him. My father was hurt to find out that so much had happened and he could not protect me. My siblings weren’t surprised, but they were emotional knowing his actions cost me my sons life.
I knew after the room got quiet as I stood middle way and told my story that I had to accept the support that was in front of me.
I knew from this day I didn’t have to fear him anymore. I knew they would all protect me.
My story: My husband was quick to anger, and he came from an abusive family. He seen his dad abuse his mother, he normalized the behavior. There were several calls to the local sheriff department, and they would leave brochures arrest him and I would take him back because he knew how to manipulate me and blame me at the same time. He even beat my son out of me and made me feel crazy. Then after one particularly vile episode of my husband’s anger, the NCO’s next door reported his behavior to his commander. The Lieutenant made him work third shift and he came to see me. Scared out of my mind they would switch up on me his actions and leadership changed well saved my life.
I should note that my best friend told my mom, and I was so angry at her, but she done it out of love. She showed emotional support, but I didn’t understand it at the time.
I was bitter and angry for years I shut completely down until the day my grandson was born. I knew then I wanted change. I went to over thirty therapist and fired them all because I was treated like a number. Until one day I met Dr. L, she deals with trauma, day one she broke the ice and let me know I was there to get help to have a healthy happy life and either I would talk, or we would stare, and she broke me down. She referred me to different agencies, and they all lacked something, but all had treated me with the utmost kindness, compassion, dignity, and respect. They made me feel like I was somebody and my life mattered.
My healing really started taking place when I broke my silence. Each time I tell my story it’s like a load has been lifted off my shoulder. The support groups, prayer lines, therapy, and domestic violence support group has helped me to become a better me. Speaking with other women like me who understood and had been through what I been through was critically important. I learned so many things from these beautiful women. The group consisted of women with varying backgrounds, experiences, cultures, religions, and socioeconomic status.
After group I realized that no matter our social status, we all had something in common we were learning to love ourselves. Unfortunately, we all knew what I was like to be hurt and abused but we offered each other an additional support outlet we had each other back.
Just know if you survived that monster push forward and never allow the coward in him to take your POWER away ever again. It will take courage but keep pressing forward and keep moving toward safety. Be careful who you tell but whomever you choose to tell don’t worry if they are not acceptable to you leaving just do what you must do for you. If you are usure of what steps to take reach out to your local domestic violence organization who will be willing to help you with prevention, education, and awareness.
Hi Queen, yes you, you are a QUEEN, Yes Queen you are MORE THAN ENOUGH, ye QUEEN you are WORTHY, yes QUEEN you are VALUABLE. Yes, Queen straighten your crown you deserve to be treated with kindness, respect, and dignity.
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